How to Be a Modern Spinster (Even If You’re Just Cosplaying)

The Spinster Starter Pack: Tools for Soft Survival

The Starter Pack (A Spinster’s Toolkit for Life, Love, and Magic):

• A mug (ritual vessel, not just caffeine)
• A nightgown/mumu (uniform of domestic freedom)
• A book (knowledge is power, escape is medicine)
• An apron (practical talisman of care)
• A jar or two of living things (plants, herbs, or seedlings)
• A spellbook or journal (document your intentions and dreams)
• An empty chair (for rest, reflection, or throne moments)
• An overactive imagination (your domestic alchemy)
• Bonus: a pet. Double bonus if it’s a cat.

There are a few essentials every spinster should have around. I’m going to share my personal Spinster tool kit. These are the things I keep nearby, not because I have to, but because they make life soft, intentional, and, honestly… pretty magical. If you’re not a spinster, it’s okay! You can cosplay as one and pretend with this starter pack.

What Is a Spinster? (Reclaiming the Word)

Originally, spinster referred to women who spun thread or yarn for a living, a real occupation. By the 1600s–1800s, the term became a label for unmarried women past the “prime age” of marriage. Society painted them as lonely, bitter, or failed, essentially saying, “She didn’t get chosen.”

Today, spinsterhood can be reclaimed. A modern spinster isn’t defined by marital status; she is self-sufficient, intentional, and autonomous. She prioritizes creativity, domestic magic, and self-reliance, surrounding herself with meaningful relationships on her own terms.

In a political, as well as physical, sense homemaking is resistance, because it involves people building their own alternative of home in the face of societies that do not provide them access to what is culturally, economically and politically defined as an orthodox ‘home’ (White Rose University)

This isn’t about isolation; it’s about choosing your circle, your rhythms, and your rituals. And yes, if you just want to cosplay as a spinster for fun, this is a soft invitation.

The Starter Pack, Reimagined as Soft Survival Tools

A Mug

Is the mug ever just a mug? Or is it a vessel of ritual? It warms your hands and your spirit, holding tea, coffee, or even a small dose of wine. A mug can be a cauldron—a tool of domestic magic.

Historically, vessels like mugs were central to domestic life, and sharing a warm drink has long been a practice of care and hospitality, connecting individuals across generations.

A Nightgown or Mumu

The mumu or oversized nightgown is a uniform of softness. Not for seduction, not for presentation, just for presence. It’s freedom stitched into fabric.

Black women, enslaved or otherwise restricted by society, often turned domestic attire into expressions of autonomy and comfort. Wearing your mumu today echoes a lineage of quiet resilience and self-care.

A Book

Every spinster woman should be well-read. Books are tools of knowledge, escape, and magic. Some teach you how to plant seeds; others, how to plant ideas. Your library doesn’t have to be curated for appearances just for you.

Literacy and storytelling have long been acts of resistance and survival. Black women preserved histories, taught skills, and maintained culture through the written word, much like your modern library becomes a spellbook of its own.

An Apron

The apron is humble, practical, and deeply symbolic. In the kitchen or garden, it protects clothes while holding clippers, seeds, or herbs. It’s your daily uniform of domestic labor.

For centuries, Black women used domestic labor as survival and resistance. Every meal cooked, every stitch sewn, every remedy prepared was a subtle assertion of autonomy. In spinsterhood, the apron becomes an emblem of chosen domestic power caring for your space, your plants, your rituals, and your joy.

A Jar or Two of Random Plants

Life nurtured in glass. Plants are simple companions that depend on you, teaching patience and attentiveness.

Cultivating plants has been a practical and spiritual practice across cultures. Tending life, even in a small container, echoes ancestral acts of care, sustenance, and magic.

A Spellbook

Just a notebook? Maybe. But writing down your plans, goals, or dreams transforms it into a book of spells. Documenting your rhythms, seasons, and growth becomes ritualistic magic in everyday life.

Sharing these ideas with friends or neighbors extends your domestic magic outward, turning self-reliance into community care.

An Empty Chair

An empty chair in a sunny corner is sometimes all a spinster needs to breathe. It’s a sacred seat for rest, reading, writing, or reflection.

The chair can also be an invitation, space for someone else to share in your home, your rituals, or your joy. Spinsterhood doesn’t have to mean isolation; it can be relational and intentional.

An Overactive Imagination

Ordinary objects transform through imagination: a mug becomes a cauldron, a notebook a spellbook, an empty chair a throne.

Imagination is what fills your home with stories, ancestors, and dreams. It’s how soft survival transforms routine domestic acts into acts of empowerment and care.

Bonus and Double Bonus

A companion animal is always welcome, a familiar to join you on your journey. Cats earn double bonus points.

Companionship, like shared skills or rituals, strengthens community and soft survival. Even small acts of care ripple outward.

This starter pack is less about stuff and more about mindset. Being a modern spinster is a practice of autonomy, care, and domestic magic. You choose your comforts, your rituals, and your companions. You build a home, not for society, but for your soft, resilient life.

Spinsterhood as Soft Survival

Spinsterhood is more than independence; it’s soft survival. Every item in your starter pack is a tool to protect your body, spirit, and joy. From your apron to your plants, your mug to your books, you are practicing resilience and self-trust.

Being a modern spinster isn’t about loneliness, it’s about autonomy, care, and magical, intentional living. It’s about creating a life that sustains you and, in turn, strengthens your coven.

“In a political, as well as physical, sense, homemaking is resistance.” — Bell Hooks, Homeplace: A Site of Resistance

So I ask you: What tools are in your Spinster Starter Pack? How are you practicing soft survival today?

Originally published on Oct 27, 2025 on Substack here.